Thursday, September 6, 2012

Finding My Groove

These last two months have been amazing. We have grown a lot. Both of us. Cruze started sitting, scooting, hopping (his efforts to start crawling I assume), he has developed quite the sense of humor and oh my my, I am so madly in love with this little boy. I've mentioned here and there about my difficulties getting out of the house with a baby, with living away from friends and family and with getting the hang of things with my little man. To tell you the truth this is one thing I did not expect in a million years. I thought I would be such a natural and I would be the same get up and go girl I have always been. WRONG. I was soooo terrified to leave the house the first few months and I'm sure the lack of familiar faces and places played a huge part in that. But it left me... sad. I hate admitting that. I hate knowing that "sad" is an emotion I felt during the happiest time in my life. It didn't make much sense and that? Knowing that, made me even sadder. I knew I had to find my groove. I knew my husband and I had to figure a way to keep our relationship on fire. I knew I needed to remind myself of who I was and who I needed to be. And by doing that, I knew I would better be able to succeed at my role as a mother.

No one really tells you these things starting out. The same way they don't really tell you that what comes after a kick butt labor and delivery just might be the worst pain of all. And that the intense contractions is just getting the party started for what's to come (in my case at least). There must be a reason why these things aren't mentioned often. Really, who wants to hear all the negative things? Who wants to admit, I had a really hard time when it seems like everyone else is rocking at it? And most of the time, when all is said and done. When all of the hard times have passed and what you have left is such a miracle, who really remembers the lows? I think this is a good thing, a protection. But at the same time, I think it would be really helpful for other new moms to hear that they're not alone. Sometimes being a mother doesn't come as naturally as we'd expect and some days are harder than others. Eventually though, we all find our rhythm and I'm happy to say we are finding ours. I still have a hard time being alone in this town when the hubby is off at work but we really are getting it together.

How? A big part is forcing myself out of the house. Even if there is no where special to be, getting out and interacting with other adults is so very important. Being active is another huge help. Pilates is my go to exercise and family walks in the evening make me feel so good. And of course, there's the schedule. We follow the eat play sleep schedule and it has been amazing for our little family. Not just for Cruze but for this mama and daddy too. We ALL needed this schedule. Having a predictable schedule and knowing what to expect next. It's exactly what we need. More to come on this in a future post.



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This sweet boy turned 6 months old on Tuesday!
 
 
 
The biggest help of all? Learning to let go of perfection and to stop comparing myself to others. Let's just say it has been a struggle. It's something that I'm learning to do for my own sanity. Not thinking about what isn't done and what I'm unable to do and just focusing on the little moments that take my breath away. There are many. This is how I'm finding my groove. Remembering that I want to LIVE in these moments. Not wasting the now to think about how quickly time is flying. Because before I know it? I will have spent every moment anticipating the future, fighting with my inner self about what I'm lacking and then... one day I will be regretting the fact that I didn't take it in when I had the chance. This will NOT be me. I'm making myself a promise to not live in yesterday or tomorrow but NOW, today, right here. And THAT is how I'm finding my groove.

4 comments:

  1. Wow, I can't believe he's 6 months! I know what you mean about not comparing... it's so hard not to look at other moms and other babies and compare, but it also drives you crazy! I'm so glad you're getting to a good place. Being a mom may be a "natural" thing... but it sure doesn't all come naturally.

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