Thursday, September 26, 2013

Real Talk >>>> becoming a mom of two

On this blog I try my best to be positive and document all the sweet moments in our life. At the same time, I pride myself in being honest and not pretending that every single detail of my life is rainbows and butterflies. We had a great weekend with my family and sharing the gender of our little baby. But on Saturday, something hit me - hard. I'm going to be a mom. of two. TWO. I wanted this my entire life. A family of multiple children, preferrably close in age. In fact, I thought my two littles would be closer in age than the 23 months they will have between them. However, I started freaking out hard core. Like uncontrollable tears, pounding heart and all. How on earth am I going to handle this? HOW? When everything I know of families with two or more kids is sleep deprivation, frustration, bickering parents, etc., how am I going to keep it all together? I have zero family close by to lean on. My best friends all live a good distance away from me and I'm just now making friends in our new town (which I am beyond grateful for - trust me).

I made the most epic and warned about mistake. I googled. "Having two kids" and "how to manage two kids". One blogger stated that having two kids as opposed to just one made her and I quote "want to hit [her]self in the face with a hammer - repeatedly". What?! So I cried some more as I frantically searched the web for anything that was going to tell me it was going to be ok. I came across an article or two that were more positive but it was a difficult find.

My husband is the most supportive man I know. He tried his best to talk me through it. He reminded me how people warned us that marriage was going to be sooo hard. But we rock at it. People told us having our first baby would ruin our marriage. That my friends, was WAY wrong. We've proved them wrong before, we can do it again. I'm grateful to have also had another listening ear who has been there, done that. She has three beautiful children and her first two? Are only 15 months apart. She runs a succesful photography business and has multiple degrees (which she finished while mothering THREE young kids). So her words meant the world to me. She's proof that your life isn't over when you have more than one child. Not that I ever felt that way but by surfing the web I came to realize that many people don't share the same thoughts.

My biggest fears have to do with not being able to keep it all together. The laundry, dinner, dishes, myself. What will I do when the littlest one needs to be fed or changed and Cruze is running all over the place and getting himself into all sorts of hazards? How will I handle sleepless nights when I have a busy toddler to keep up with all day? The answer is the same as it has always been. I will find our way. We will find our way as a family. We always do. There may be some hard days ahead but in life, there always are. And the hardest moments I've had since becoming a mom always come back to the same thing. How much I focus on my own shortcomings. That's something I've been working on. Hopefully by the time baby #2 comes, I'll have it a little more figured out. And if not? I'll try my best to be OK with living in the chaos while finding the humor along the way.

After a few pep talks and a lot of "figuring things out" with my hubby, I'm feeling a bit wayyyy more confident. But I'll still take all the tips I can get. So throw some at me if you have any.

This photo was taken after a looong day of emergency rooms, break downs and Phillip's wonderful pep talks. It was a good way to end the day :)


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