Back to those two sleepless nights. The first night I was up til 4 am. My stomach hurt too bad to fall asleep. My heart hurt in a way that I hadn't felt before then. And my back.Whoa mama! What on earth was going on? I contributed all of these symptoms to the anxiety of leaving Bolivia - the packing, the flying, the thoughts of seeing my family for the first time in half a year. But I did not think I was pregnant. For almost the first time since we were married, I didn't think to run and take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. By the time the second night rolled around, my cramps intensified, my heartburn had gone from a pain to severe and I didn't sleep a wink. Around 5 in the morning I remember thinking... What if? What if this could be the moment we waited for? It's not (obviously) but what if? By 6:30 my mind was made up. I had never felt this way before. It was different and I couldn't ignore that fact. So I decided that the moment Phillip woke up, I would send him to the pharmacy to get a pregnancy test.
He woke up around 7:30 or so and off I sent him. He didn't get excited, he wasn't annoyed. He just said OK as if I was asking him to pick up some bread from the grocery store. The walk was about 8 minutes each way. I tried to be patient but something in my gut was telling me that this just might be that moment. I started breakfast as I pretended that all was cool and chill in the world. I was just gonna pee on a stick. That's all. It was gonna be negative (obviously) and the day would go on as normal.
When he walked in the door he pulled out a test from the small brown paper bag he was holding and handed it to me. I walked ever so calmly to the bathroom and ya know... Immediately after taking the test I shouted, "I'm not pregnant!". A little back story: that's what I have done since we were first married. As soon as I would take a test I would shout "I'm not pregnant!" so he didn't have a second to get excited and so I could rip the band aid off my wound as quickly as possible. My hand was on its way to the trashcan with the "negative" test in it when something caught my eye. The faintest pink line I ever did see. In fact, it was so faint that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I glanced at it for about 3 seconds (imagine my face!) and with the biggest eyes EVER yelled, "Phillip.... get me the other test. PHILLIP, GET ME THE OTHER TEST!"
To be continued...
Click here for part 2