Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Me, Lately

It's been a long time since I've given an update on me - just me. As a mom my world revolves around a small person and my husband. My days are filled with slobbery kisses, pb&j's, folding, sweeping and so on. However, I think it's so important to take a moment to remind myself of who I am and who I want to be. Lately, things have been good. Really good. We moved closer to Phillip's job which means, away from the town I was growing to resent. There, I found myself living someone else's life. I became a homebody who was quickly forgetting how to let go, have crazy fun on the fly and laugh til my belly hurt. Gone were the days of running around like crazy just to have something to do. Last minute day trips, getting dolled up for no good reason and listening to my music at a volume that made my soul feel good. I didn't even notice that this was happening until family and friends from back home started asking if I was depressed. ME! Depressed?! Nooooo... And although it took me back quite a bit, I had to realize why multiple people found me to be... different. It's because I was. different.

I could blame it all on my environment and while I do think that had much to do with it, I have to take responsibility too. I let it happen. I was allowing myself to be molded by my surroundings and girlfriend - that is not who I am. I have never been afraid to stand out a little, to be different. I don't like changing myself for others and whenever I felt like I was, I made a change. So, Phillip and I realized that a change was necessary and fast. I needed to move to an area that felt more like me. After months and months of house hunting, we found our ideal home in a lovely area. When I go out and walk amongst others from my community I can feel it. They just think more like I do. Does that make sense? There is just more get up and go attitude around here and I just love it.

After moving and finding out I was pregnant the day after (?!?!?) I quickly joined a gym with a sweet day care for Cruze. Time for myself is so what I needed. It makes my soul feel good to forget about everything else in the world and just sweat it all out. I have more energy, get to be around like minded mamas and not chase after a toddler for a small portion of my day. Our home has added to our contentment as well. While I realize that my joy should not and does not rely on material possessions, I also realize that having a retreat from the world is oh so good. This is the first time since I have been married that we are making something truly ours. A place that fits our style and will be the background for beautiful memories. Somewhere to host gatherings and feel proud while doing so.

*above portion was written two months ago

And to comment on the idea of me being depressed. Looking back, I think my family and friends were on to something. There were days where I just couldn't stop crying because of the lonliness I felt, the boredom. I just didn't know how to shake it. But those days were always followed by amazing moments with my husband and baby. I'm honestly so grateful to have such an amazing little family. My husband is so supportive and makes me happier than he will ever know. I thank him for willingly moving our family to improve my happiness and to make our time together longer in the evenings. And in just 4 months, we get to make this good thing we have, even better. I can't wait to grow our family here. Life is good my friends.

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