Thursday, October 3, 2013

Real Talk >>>> I wanted a girl

It's not like me to just come out and say something like this but again, I'm just being honest here. Just to backtrack a little, before we found out I was pregnant all we could talk about was how much we wanted another boy - a brother for Cruze. However, the beginning of my pregnancy was so rough that it made us think, this has to be a girl. I was wayyyy more moody, nauseous and everything else in between. As the day of our gender ultrasound drew closer I just knew. I was having a girl. A girl to dress in bows and tutus. A girl whose hair I would one day braid. A little girl who would love her daddy so. I just knew it.

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moments before finding out


But then it happened. I was laying on that table in the dark room of my Doctor's office when I spotted it before anyone else ( I may have told my doctor to skip to the goods first). BOY. BOY BOY BOY all the way. I was NOT having a girl after all. I must admit, since I so thought I was having a little mini me, it felt like a tiny pinch. I was taken back for a moment. The words of family and friends kept playing over in my head "I hope you're having a girl this time" or " I really hope it's not another boy". By the way, NEVER say that to a pregnant woman. Ever.

People have asked me since finding out if I am disappointed, sad, angry (?!?!) that I'm having another boy. The answer in short is no. Of course not. The moment I saw his little face, I immediately fell in love so so hard. A little boy. A brother for Cruze. A cuddler and ball thrower. A little boy. It hit me as I was watching my baby boy on that screen. It all felt so new and magical even though we were in that same spot just two years ago with Cruze. I, the girl who broke down on my knees after being told I may never be able to have children - I get to experience so many sweet moments again. And that is a bigger blessing than I could ever ask for. Boy or girl. What I really wanted and knew in the pit of my stomach and depths of my heart was another child to add to this wonderful dynamic we have. A child. That's all. Boy or girl, I am feeling beyond blessed and privileged to be here again.

And that girl whose hair I wanted to braid? Haven't even thought about it since. I'm too madly in love with my soon to be born little boy. My sweet boy.

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and a few hours later

2 comments:

  1. I totally understand how you feel, whether we like it or not I think all men and women have an idea of what sex they want. I wanted a girl the first time around and ended up getting one but I want a boy next time now, and who knows if that will happen! Either way, both are such blessings. My brother had 7 kids, 5 of them boys!! And they are all super cute. I think girls are much harder than boys, to be honest. Emotionally complex and throw some mean tantrums lol! Or at least my kid does...

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  2. This is so sweet!!!! We are going through the opposite, since we have a girl everyone is hoping for a boy and tells us all of the time. We honestly don't care. We are just thrilled to have another baby! We just want him or her to be healthy and full term. People can be insensitive, or sometimes don't think before they speak. I TRY to be nice but have said quite a few times, " I honestly don't care I just want a full term baby and to experience a healthy pregnancy!" It makes people remember what we went through. I know people don't mean it but people need to watch what they say to a pregnant woman!! Haha

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