Monday, July 9, 2012

My Body These Days and milk issues

If you thought this was going to be a post full of pictures of my body these days, you couldn't be more wrong. Instead I will use this as my outlet to vent about what has become of this little body of mine. You see, I'm a healthy, organic kinda girl. Yes, I have my weaknesses but overall I make the best food choices possible and it is very rare that anyone can find something unhealthy/processed in my kitchen. I ate extra healthy throughout my pregnancy and didn't overindulge except for a few occasions (but I deserved it!).

Yes, I KNOW he's so worth it.


After I brought my sweet boy home I quickly got back to eating as clean as possible and started controlling my calories. This caused issues. MAJOR ISSUES with my milk supply. And yes. I was warned. Especially here on my blog. And can I just say thank you to you ladies who took the time to tell me NOT to cut my calories? Did I listen? Not so much. My insecurities took over and I regretted it the moment I had to hear my son scream out of hunger while I sat there holding him with tears in my eyes and a very broken heart. After that first little incidence and a little pep talk from my ob/gyn I realized I needed more calories. My doctor even insisted that I would start losing weight once I increased my calories. But guess what? I haven't. Nothing works. NOTHING. And it hurts so bad. My milk is hit and miss and as some of you may already know, we decided to make the switch to formula. Since then we've made some improvement and I have been able to stick with breastfeeding other than a couple times of having to give formula because I just didn't have any milk to give.

I have a question. Why is it that I am one of the healthiest eaters I know, am doing my best to breastfeed and stay active and yet I STILL CANNOT LOSE WEIGHT? It hurts. It hurts to look in the mirror every single day and see what I have become. My health hit an all time low a month ago and although we are making some improvement (thanks to juicing, supplements and amazing meal) and getting answers, I'm still not where I should be. It even got to the point where I couldn't care for my own baby.I COULDN'T EVEN HOLD HIM! Did I mention how broken I feel? I did. But now do you get it?

The reason for me telling you this? Because I have HAD IT. I am so over seeing the scale go down 2 pounds just to see it go right back up the next day. I have been the same weight since my son was 9 days old. He's 18 weeks now. You do the math. I'm also tired of playing this game with my milk supply. I have found a few things to be helpful (again, amazing meal) but it really shouldn't be this hard.

I don't really know what the point of this post is. I guess I just need to say how I feel without having to look someone else in the face. My husband. He's been amazing and I don't even understand how he can still look at me with so much love in his eyes but he does. BUT I need to vent without being told every other word that everything is fine. BECAUSE IT'S NOT. THIS is not okay.

Well that's all for now.  Sorry for being such a downer. I hope everyone had a a great weekend. We sure did and I'll try to get pics of Cruze's first beach trip up on this blog soon.

11 comments:

  1. Oh man my heart goes out to you. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL with the weight issue. I couldn't lose weight either, and I was being healthy just like you. I finally got fed up and went to my family doctor because someone told me it could potentially be my thyroid. Did you know after having a baby your thyroid can completely quit on you? It's called hypothyroidism, and yes, it shuts down your metabolism and prevents you from losing weight. I'd encourage you to get that tested. After I did, and I got on some medication, I lost 5 pounds in the first like 10 days. I hope things get better for you because I know how hard it is, especially when it seems like every other mom in the world got back into her pre prego skinny jeans a week later ugh lol.

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    1. I saw your Post where you talked about the hypothyroidism. Wow! What a difference that made! I did check for that and actually, my thyroid is the ONE thing that is working well. Weird. I'm so glad you got some answers though ;) thanks for your words

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  2. I don't know if this helps but the day I stopped breast feeding I gained ten pounds in one month, ONE MONTH. Since then I haven't been able to get it off. After having a baby my body changed in so many ways. None good. I can't believe I'm sharing this but my breasts are shriveled up hanging raisins. It's not pretty. They went from a B to near a double D back to C. It's hard, so very hard. I beat my self up look in disgust at the mirror and I'm dreading our beach vacation. But, here it is, sorry, I becoming more okay. Not fine, not happy, not prance around in a swimsuit foot loose and fancy free but okay. My husband loves me, still wants to have another kid with me and that has helped me be okay. Assets have also helped. Have you heard of this brand. They help to suck in and smooth out those rolls. One last thing, I gave up on weight lose and I have now turned my focus to fitness. I just want to be able to keep up with my little one and that focus has in turn helped me with my body image. Hope that helps.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing. My doctor told me to pick a cut off date for breastfeeding in order for him to be able to help me. He thinks that the breast feeding could also be making things worse. It's all so confusing. I thought I would lose weight BECAUSE of breastfeeding. But I guess every one is different. I have assets! I love them. True story, last week I thought I lost my favorite pair and I started to cry. Haha. A bit dramatic, I know but they're what makes me feel somewhat presentable.

      The fact that our husbands love us the way we are is huge! Congrats to you for having such a great partner and I know I should be reminding myself of that too :)

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  3. I know how you feel... :( I'm struggling with the same issue as you. I had my daughter almost 3 months now and have been the same weight for the last two months. I can't shake the weight even with exercise and eating decent. I also heard your calorie needs are higher when your trying to lose weight when your breast feeding so I'm in the process of trying to figure that out. I also plan on revamping my eating style and working out smarter. Good luck to you and all the new mamas who struggle with their weight! I hope we all figure out how to lose those pesky few pounds.

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  4. The whole calorie thing is SO confusing to me. I wish i knew exactly what to do. Let me know if anything works for you! Your little girl is adorable by the way.

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  5. I know this is something that you do not want to hear... but I had similar problems after I gained weight in college. I wanted to lose 15 lbs to be back to my normal weight. Well it didnt happen until I just GAVE UP. I started to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And I even slowed down on working out. I was back at my normal weight and I just make sure I dont eat anything sugar free or with sweeteners. I know you think I am crazy but I have been doing this during the whole pregnancy too and I am almost 36 weeks and have gained 25 lbs so far. I know I have a ways to go but I figured anyones point of view could help?

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    1. And I didnt mean that post to sound like I am invincible and you are not. I started out weight 165lbs... and now I am 190... so the whole gaining 25 lbs may not seem like a lot... but compared to what you are it is for me... I was born from a 400 lb woman (adopted at birth by my lovely parents) so in highschool watching everyone eat whatever they wanted made me cringe! When I adopted the strategy I am not bragging I am only trying to say it took me 25 years to figure out that no diets work AT ALL except proportion (and that does not mean counting calories) so I dont know if this will work for you but I figured any input would help?

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    2. Your comment makes sense. I know a lot of my problem with the weight part is the stress I put on myself. Add the health isssues in and its just not a gOod combo at all. I need to remind myself to chill out sometimes! Thanks for your comment. Every bit of advice helps :)

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  6. Ah, I have a feeling I'll be here. I put on a whopping 45lbs during my pregnancy. I cannot believe how that even happened. I've always been thin and active, and I never ate any differently during my pregnancy. I hoping it'll be easy enough to lose after the baby's born (i'm 37/38 weeks pregnant still), but I have a feeling that's a lofty thought. I hate how self-conscious I am about my body - I'm pregnant. I hate how I constantly compare myself to other women who put so little weight on during pregnancy. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. I too cannot diet either at this point as my baby needs more calories now and will during breastfeeding which I plan to do. I hate that I hestitated to post a photo of me in a bikini while pregnant (since I've always been proud of my body however it is). For myself, I had to just post it. I can't get over the heap. So I know how you feel. I keep reminding myself of a woman I work with who put on 80lbs during her pregnancy and is now a rake. She said it took a full year to lose the weight, so I'm thinking that's more realistic than being down on myself for my weight (when i should be enjoying my baby's first year) because I haven't lost it all within a few months. I have nothing else to say but I feel how you feel, and I will pretty soon as well!

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  7. Wow. What a truly hard but inspiring post to write. I really applaud you for being able to put that out and not just write about he sunny side of being a mom. This will help so many new moms and soon to be moms see that every situation is not ideal but we just have to do our best for baby. I really do believe you will get where you feel comfortable at in your body. Right now you have so much stress from not being able to lose weight and the breastfeeding issues and other things as well I am sure. My heart goes out to you but JUST BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL GET THERE.

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