Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Today Will Be The Last Time



 



Today is the last time I will EVER have to hear my baby cry because mommy didn't have enough milk to give him.

It will be the last time that I worry about him suddenly fitting into clothes that were once too small on him. It will be the last time that I let my insecurities of being "not good enough" as a mother get in the way. It will be the last time that I scramble in the kitchen with tears in my eyes yelling at a bottle because I can't get the water warm fast enough while my baby is having a melt down. Today is the last time. I am switching to formula because while I without a doubt and with the most confidence know that breast is best, I also know that my baby needs a full belly and if it isn't coming from me it better be coming from somewhere.

There will be no more going back and forth. No more "just hoping" that things will get better and stay that way. My baby needs to be fed. There is no reason why he should be crying out of hunger when I have the means to feed him (one way or another). So yes, I am taking my Doctors orders and saying "so long" to breastfeeding. And yes, they were HIS orders (due to my own health problems).

It was quite the journey and I will do my best to remind myself everyday that I am doing what needs to be done. I will look back with the fondest memories of the nights I spent nursing my baby to contentment while he gazed into my eyes. I will pat myself on the back nice and hard for putting up a good fight and not throwing in the towel months ago.

And now, when I feed my little prince from a bottle, I will hold him just as close and with as much warmth and love as ever before. He will know that I love him and will feel it in every thing I do for him.

And to all of you breastfeeding mamas out there, I will be rooting you on from the sideline. I will give you a warm smile when I see you confidently feeding your babies in public. And I will remind myself that like you, I am doing all I possibly can to give my baby what he needs to thrive.


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12 comments:

  1. Breast is best, unless it's not working. What's important is that you and your baby are healthy and it sounds like trying to breast feed was not working for either of you. This whole mom-guilt thing is horrible, especially when it comes to feeding. We've been having issues with that lately (I'm actually in the process of writing a breast feeding post) so I totally get where you're at and how you're feeling. Just know that you're doing what's best for your baby. I'm rooting for you!

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  2. Proud of you for sticking it out this long, girl! What's important is that your little man is nourished. I know that can be rough though....with the unmet expectations and mommy guilt, so I pray the transition is easy on your heart!

    And I wrote a big long comment on your last post but I accidentally deleted it. But I'm pretty sure when Adoration was 18 weeks I still felt like a big, fat cow, not even close to fitting into pre preggo jeans.It felt like it took awhile for my body to balance back out. You will get there, just keep doing what your doing. And try not to stress, cause you are beautiful regardless! Also, I didn't lose the last of my weight until AFTER I was done breastfeeding. I feel like the body holds on to that extra fat because it knows its got a big job to do.

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    1. Thanks. Yeah I think the mommy guilt is the worst part and I know I am going to have my moments ( like I did last night). Thanks for The encouragement. It feels good to know that I'm not alone and it helps me to see that I will eventually get to where I need to be :) you are looking soooo cute with that bump by the way.

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  3. I was actually going to suggest switching to formula on your last post but I know it's a sensitive issue and some moms are militant about it so I just kept to myself like I usually do (even though I never got that impression from you specifically). There's a lot of pressure in the blog world to breastfeed, and I even think there is a lot of propaganda out there as well. I'm not saying breast isn't "best," but I think babies need a happy and healthy mama a lot more than they need whatever is in their milk. So try not to feel guilty about your decision... baby C will be just fine! :)

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    1. I agree 100%. It was a tough decision but I'm happy knowing that cruze has a full belly.

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  4. You have done well! Some was better than none.

    Even though I believe breast is best, when I had my daughter switching to formula at 6 weeks was the best thing both of us.

    I had a hard time bonding with her, and was so miserable with the crying because she was hungry, and the pain that was involved with breastfeeding. We switched to formula, said goodbye to breastfeeding and I was finally able to bond with my daughter because we were both happier.

    Your emotional health is just as important. Don't look back and move forward.

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    1. It's so true. My emotional health was NOT GOOD since I was always worrying about how I was going to feed him the next day.

      It's good to hear you made a decision that works for you and your child. Im hoping it's the same for us.

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  5. great post! And what an awesome decision, and hard one that you made! I am so glad you are standing proud!! You are making the best decision, and you kick that mamma guilt to the curb!! :)

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

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  6. Don't feel guilty about switching to formula. You tried your best and you did it for quite longer than most moms. Formula's not the "devil" either. I was breast fed for a year, and my brother never was - he was formula fed since he was allergic to my mom's breast milk. Well, guess what? I grew up with allergies, vision problems, weight problems, anemia, hearing problems, and other minor issues. My brother? Never a health problem in his childhood or life. Don't feel any ways about it, just be happy and baby will be happy - end of story really! It's not like you're feeding him Big Macs over Quinoa. I'm going to try to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work out, I can't stress myself over it and am trying to make peace with the option of formula feeding now if I have troubles.

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    1. Wow! At least i know I'm not ruining him by giving him formula lol. That stinks that you have to deal with all of that. Health issues are such a bummer

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