Today is the last time I will EVER have to hear my baby cry because mommy didn't have enough milk to give him.
It will be the last time that I worry about him suddenly fitting into clothes that were once too small on him. It will be the last time that I let my insecurities of being "not good enough" as a mother get in the way. It will be the last time that I scramble in the kitchen with tears in my eyes yelling at a bottle because I can't get the water warm fast enough while my baby is having a melt down. Today is the last time. I am switching to formula because while I without a doubt and with the most confidence know that breast is best, I also know that my baby needs a full belly and if it isn't coming from me it better be coming from somewhere.
There will be no more going back and forth. No more "just hoping" that things will get better and stay that way. My baby needs to be fed. There is no reason why he should be crying out of hunger when I have the means to feed him (one way or another). So yes, I am taking my Doctors orders and saying "so long" to breastfeeding. And yes, they were HIS orders (due to my own health problems).
It was quite the journey and I will do my best to remind myself everyday that I am doing what needs to be done. I will look back with the fondest memories of the nights I spent nursing my baby to contentment while he gazed into my eyes. I will pat myself on the back nice and hard for putting up a good fight and not throwing in the towel months ago.
And now, when I feed my little prince from a bottle, I will hold him just as close and with as much warmth and love as ever before. He will know that I love him and will feel it in every thing I do for him.
And to all of you breastfeeding mamas out there, I will be rooting you on from the sideline. I will give you a warm smile when I see you confidently feeding your babies in public. And I will remind myself that like you, I am doing all I possibly can to give my baby what he needs to thrive.