Monday, December 16, 2013

The "Better" Mom

 
Do you know her? I do. She's every where! She's the mom who cooks amazing meals, keeps her home perfectly clean, teaches her child so well that he or she is about 4 years ahead of where they should be. It's not a bad thing. The better mom has her strong points and that's great. Until, we start to compare. To feel inadequate due to what we see other moms doing with their kids. It's a tough one. I know I've been guilty of comparing myself with others FAR TOO OFTEN. Sometimes this can be a good thing, a way to motivate myself more. Or perhaps, these "better" moms make me realize or learn something new. A new way of doing things to be more efficient. But if we're not careful, comparing ourselves with others can break us down until we feel not good enough. I've had many moments over the past 21 months of motherhood when my husband had to talk me out of a complete "not good enough" meltdown. And that is not okay. Life is short enough. How silly it is to waste a single moment on thoughts like these!
 
Something I think that is hard to remember sometimes when it comes to social media is that, we are only getting tiny glimpses of peoples lives. Yes, maybe they just made their child a whole closet full of amazing costumes and props to allow their child's imagination to grow. But what we might not be seeing is the rest of their house which is overgrown with dirty laundry. Or the fact that this mom may have not showered or brushed her hair in days in order to accomplish this task. We all have areas where we excel and areas where we need major improvement. And that's okay. The need for improvement gives us a chance to make ourselves new as many times as we want. It keeps things interesting.
 
On one of my recent conversations with my husband after a day of feeling completely defeated, he knocked some sense into me. He said, "look at your sons face". I did, and Cruze gave me the cheesiest grin with the most beautiful squinty eyes ever. Then he said, "look at my face". I paused to look at him while he gave me an even bigger smile. He went on to say "We are both so happy. We both feel loved by you and whether you realize it or not, you are the one keeping our worlds going. That's all that matters."
 
It's so true. When our kids are older, that's all they will remember. Feeling loved, safe, happy. Some kids may look back and remember how their mom ROCKED because of that time she stocked their closet with handmade costumes. Other kids will remember how much fun they had eating ice cream and staying up late with a mom who was okay with breaking the rules sometimes. And then other kids may remember those times their parents wrestled with them in bed and tickled them until they couldn't handle it any longer. We all have our strong points, we just need to remember them. And remember that years from now, we won't care about being the perfect or better mom. We will remember the moments of pure joy and laughter. Not the undone laundry but instead how cute our kids looked in the clothes they were actually wearing. I'm making it a point to stop sweating over the little things, to focus on the big things. Love and ofcourse my new focus of this blog - joy. And the best part? I know that no matter what hiccups come up along the way, love always wins. It will stand out in the story we are creating with each passing day.
 
comparison is the thief of joy - read it.
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4 comments:

  1. I completely agree with everything you just wrote !!! I am guilty of doing a little comparing and I quickly snap myself out of it. At the end of the day all that matters is that your family is happy and healthy, who cares how you make that happen ya know. The way I like to describe my life is that its "perfect for us". The messes, tears, laughs, all of our crazy fun moments make our lives perfect for us. Often times we are our worst critics and it sucks lol but our littles could careless if we haven't dressed up or put makeup on or even made fresh pancakes or just driven over to jack in the box for pancakes they just love us for us and that is amazing :) sorry for the ramble lol

    xoxo

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  2. Thank you!! Just needed this after a long day of work and not being able to spent as much time with my babe as i would like!

    Sally

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  3. This is so true! And I think bloggers are exposed to this even more. I don't know why there needs to be so much competition, because all it does is make us women feel bad about ourselves. You're a fantastic mama and wife, and blogger (obviously) because you're authentic and genuine!!

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  4. Fantastic post. I'm struggling to get back into the swing of things with a 3 week old. I had no clue what to reach for the first time I was in the frozen food aisle. We need to remind each other of what is important.

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