I confess

 

 

I have some things on my chest that I must confess...

 

I totally didn't mean for that to rhyme but it made me feel cool

 

My two year still takes a bottle filled with warm almond milk every morning  

 

He also is addicted to his pacifier for naps and bed time (and tries to sneak it during the day too)

 

 

 

That vogue cover with Kanye and Kim that everyone and their mother is hating on? I kinda love it.

Like a lot.

 

Since becoming a mom of two I have had many days where I feel like a superhero.

 

Often, these days are followed by days where I feel like my cape has shriveled up and needs to be

thrown out. You win some, you lose some, right?

 

Trying to start a new business while watching two littles is really, really hard sometimes. And I often realize that I have ZERO idea what I'm doing or what step to take next.

 

I have so much going on this week. So much. The thing I'm looking forward to most? Getting my eyebrows waxed.

 

I'm a really bad blogger. I think I've just had to terms with that. Three years in and I'm pretty much just where I started off.

 

I'm a chronic DIY starter. Starter. Not finisher. However, I've completed a few DIYS recently and I'm pretty excited about it. Wanna see them? Good luck. Cuz I'm a really bad blogger, remember?

 

 

 Ah... that feels better ;)

 

Friday? Is that you?!

Whoa! Friday ALREADY?! My weeks are just flying by. And while I feel like that's a good thing since they say 'time flies when you're having fun', it's flying so fast that I can barely keep up with anything. Like blogging for example. Seriously, this post is coming to you from my phone app while I burp my baby. I got skillz I tell ya.

I think it's time I start planning my posts out in advance? It only took me three years to figure that one out ;) anywho, it's Friday! I'm so excited to have my husband for the next few days and to get started on some house projects. 

I can't wait to share what we're working on but if you'd like to take a guess, you should check out my Pinterest. 

This weekend will be for park dates with my boy, family walks, cleaning (yes I get excited about these things), that top secret house project and shopping. This mama needs some postpartum clothes to make me feel a little more confident in my bod while my baby weight hangs around (for DEAR life!). What are your plans?

HAPPY FRIDAY! 

Newborn Diaries | Leaving the house and my best tips

*If you prefer to just read my tips, scroll to the bottom of the post. Although, I'd love for you to actually read the post ;)

After Cruze was born I was terrified to leave the house with him. Terrified. Mostly because I didn't want him to get sick while so young. I was and still am fully aware of the fact that something that may seem as minor as a simple cold in an adult can manifest itself differently and far more severe in a newborn baby. But I was so aware of this fact that it consumed me. The few times we left the house, I felt like I couldn't breath. It was bad. After Cruze was a few months old and I thought I would feel okay venturing out, I realized that not only was I still nervous about him getting sick but now? I didn't know how to manage my time to actually get out of the house before his next nap, diaper change, feeding etc. Many of the days I tried, would end in me half dressed and frustrated that yet again, we stayed home all day.

In hindsight, while I know that a certain amount of anxiety is normal, mine was excessive. And I desperately needed to get out of the house. I was starting to lose my mind just a tad. So this time around I've made an effort to get out sooner. I've done things that are SO unlike me. Like going out with my friend to a mall when Caleb wasn't even a month. I've done this a few times now. Since I know how important it is for my sanity, I'm trying to think of ways to balance keeping Caleb safe and healthy while also maintaining some sort of normalcy for myself and Cruze.

To do this, I choose only places that are outdoors. This way we are not in a closed room or building with anyone who can potentially be carrying something like the Flu virus or worst. I try to choose times or days that are less busy and only if a store is empty, I will go in. This has worked well for us since we live in an area that has many outdoor shopping/activity options.

Another thing that gave me anxiety with leaving the house with Cruze was the idea of failing him somehow. One time I felt so good for getting out when, on my way home I realized he needed to eat. Like, I completely forgot to feed my baby. I was a mess when we got home. A big bawling mess. I was so concerned about not holding my friend up too much while we were out that I wasn't thinking enough about myself and more importantly my baby boy.

That experience taught me something. Only go out with people who are patient and understanding or if they're not, don't care about what they think when you need to spend an hour in a dressing room to change, feed, burp your baby and regroup. That's what I learned I needed to do. So now? If I need to take a break with baby I go into the dressing room of an empty store or my car and take as much time as I need to take care of my baby. And if the person I'm with doesn't like it, then I don't need to be with that person. It's that simple. Now that I have a baby and a toddler, these breaks are even more important.

Now I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't admit that I still have some anxiety with leaving the house. It's just more manageable this time. I've also had some moments where I've felt like the worst mother in the world for even taking my newborn out and exposing him to anything that can hurt him. It's all just a big balancing game. Trying to stay sane while doing right by my children. I don't have it all figured out but I'm doing my best and learning along the way.

 

Here are a few of the things I've learned to do

1 - Choose places that make me feel good about being there. I choose outdoor areas so that we are not engulfed by anyone's yucky germs.
2 - Pack the trunk with an extra of everything. This way, if I forget an essential item, I don't go into a complete panic.
3 - Dressing rooms are my friend. Pick up a few shirts to try on and head on in. I use this time to let Cruze run around, I entertain him while nursing Caleb. And I don't leave the dressing room until I feel like everyone's needs are met.
4 - Prepare well. Pack your diaper bag the night before if you know you'll be heading out. Set out outfits for everyone and decide on a look for yourself that is as fuss free as possible. Think: nursing friendly and easy to move in

5 - Bring snacks for yourself and other kids if you have any. I've learned that snacks are the perfect weapon when shopping with a toddler. I've also learned how important it is for me to keep up my calories in order to nurse. So I pack bananas, granola bars and water. 

6 - Take time to cuddle the babes. Sometimes we can get so busy with what we have to do that we can forget the other things. Cuddling and doting on my babes keeps everyone in a cheery mood. 

And this could be the most important tip of all

7 - smile, laugh, sing. Really. Make yourself laugh over the things that may go a little wrong. Just spilled your child's sippy cup all over your white shirt? Baby wipe that junk up. You forget the wipes? wet a napkin. No napkins? Laugh. Just laugh and remember that one day you'll be looking back on that very moment with a smile on your face. Then put on your favorite tune and sing your heart out on the way home while patting yourself on the back. 

Caleb Monthly | 1 Month Old

Can it be already?! How on earth is my baby a month old? I know it seems like such a small number but this month has truly flown by for us. In a good way. In fact, this has been the absolute best month of my life.

 

I thought adding another baby to the family would be one of the hardest things we've ever done. I was wrong. I had no idea how ready our hearts were for this change. It has been such a natural transition and my days have that much more meaning. I love this little life we have.

Caleb is SO different from Cruze as a newborn. Cruze never fussed, was okay being put down in his swing, rock and play and bouncer, and ate MUCH less. Cruze took the paci right away and still has an obsession with the thing. Caleb hates the pacifier and gags when we try to give it to him. It's amazing how different two babies can be. But I'm loving all of the differences and can't wait to see how each babe changes and grows as the years go by.

The Stats

Diapers: size 1 disposable. We will be switching over to cloth probably in a month or two.

Clothes: I'm still squeezing him into some of my favorite newborn size pieces but he's really a 0-3 month size

Weight and Height: we will find this out at his appointment tomorrow but if I had to guess? 10 lbs 4 oz for weight update: I was SO off. He weighs exactly 12 pounds. WHOA! And he is 23 1/4 inches long

Favorite Things: Mommy (duh). But really, Caleb is just so attached to me and is really only content if I am holding him or have a hand on him. Thank goodness for baby wearing. And for a daddy that he loves too.

Also loves family walks which is weird because any other time (like car rides) he HATES his car seat. Such a difference from Cruze who loved car rides.

LOVES the moby wrap. The second I put him into it, he gets quiet and his eyes roll back.

New things: tons of smiles starting last week. He was already smiling but now I really feel like it's on purpose.

Struggling with: every night from around 6-10:30pm we have fussy time. During these hours, he wants to be fed and patted constantly. Not exactly sure why but I know that every phase eventually passes so I just do whatever makes him feel better and indulge in the extra close cuddle time with my littlest man.

Sleep: Well, he is a newborn so I can't expect much here but I think we're doing pretty well. I'm not going to do any sleep training for the first few months but what I am doing is trying to encourage a routine or pattern. We follow the sleep, eat, "play" cycle. While he's still waking up every 3 hours to eat during the night, he always goes right back down after each feeding (for the most part). I think he knows the difference between day and night. I count that as a victory.

A question we get a lot is who we think he looks like. When he was born, he looked JUST like Phillip. However, as the days and weeks have gone by, he's looking like me too. Right now he is half and half. Literally. The bottom of his face is all me and the top half of his face is all daddy. :)

 

My Bro, Yo!

 

 

One thing we have really been enjoying since the arrival of Caleb is the extra guests we've had come to visit. This past weekend, my little brother Christian (not so little anymore!) came to visit with his wife. Cruze grew so attached to him in the short time they were here and was so completely devastated when it was time to say our 'goodbyes'.

 

Here are some photos from our weekend with "Uncle".

 

 

This little boy was in heaven and FULL of energy. Oh to be two years old...

 

He took a break from loving on his uncle to love on daddy a little bit ;)

 

It seems like having family in town is the perfect excuse to eat bad things, right?

But seriously, look at them fries

 

I was glad to get out of the house. One thing I love about where we live is that we have TONS of things to do outdoors. This makes it easier to take the baby out since I don't feel comfortable being in closed spaces with a lot of people (and their germs).

 

 Me and my boys... and my tummy. I feel the need to say that I'm wearing a very bulky belly band under there. So that's not all belly.

It was such a nice weekend and seeing Cruze light up with family was the best part.

 

A Familiar Struggle | My Postpartum Body

 

 

So here I am again. Second baby, second time struggling with my postpartum body. If you have been following my journey for a while then you know how much I agonized over my body image issues after the birth of my first son. It's not something that felt good to talk about but since this blog is my place to put it all (almost all) out there, that's what I did. With Cruze I put on more than the recommended 25-35 pounds. I didn't eat crazy amounts of sweets and kept my diet pretty healthy but in the end I had gained 44 pounds. While it was way more than I wanted to gain I kept telling myself that I would lose it once the baby was born. When that didn't happen, it tore me apart. I felt defined by my new size. I felt humiliated to be seen by others who knew my formerly slim self. Humiliated.

 

It didn't help that when I was 9 days post partum, an uninvited guest showed up at my home and actually made fun of my belly. Girls, she actually JIGGLED my stomach while giggling! I was mortified and felt like there was something terribly wrong with me for not bouncing back faster. The very next day I cut my calories drastically. I'm too embarrassed to say how little I was eating because looking back, with a much clearer mind, I was starving myself. In turn, I was starving my baby of the nutrients he needed from my milk. Do you know what happened when I cut my calories? My weight loss came to a HALT and my milk? What milk?

 

I finally started losing weight once I stopped nursing (or trying to nurse). Six pounds the very first week! Since then I've learned how important it is to treat my body well. I was abusing myself and didn't even realize it. I knew that my body size was not as important as I thought. Feeding my son? That was important. So before I got pregnant with Caleb I kept telling myself that I would not do that again. I would not torture my body with starvation diets. I told myself that Phillip would never again have to pick me up from off the floor with a face soaked with tears because of how "disgusting" I looked. I wouldn't compare my "bouncing back" with other women on instagram. I would just embrace it for what it was and know that the weight would come off eventually.

 

But here's the thing. It's just easier said than done. After Caleb was born, I felt great. I had barely any swelling, my energy level was on point and I didn't feel the same overwhelming anxiety that I did as a first time mom. I felt lighter and I was so happy with that. And then it happened. I saw the scale in the bathroom and it was as though it was calling my name. I knew it was too soon but I just had to step on it. To my complete surprise, I had only lost the weight of my baby. WHAT?! And just like that, my obsession started up again. Weighing myself FIVE times a day, overanalyzing everything I ate, googling things like "why can't I lose weight while breastfeeding", the anxiety and feelings of humiliation. It all came rushing back. For a few days. Because this time I know better. I know that while I do still care about how I look (just being honest here!) my body has just done something so amazing. It deserves more than being scrutinized by myself. It deserves to be treated well, to be nourished properly and rewarded. It deserves RESPECT.

 

It's a daily struggle. Especially when I catch my reflection in mirror or see a photo of myself. But I'm working through it. And for now? I will just try a tad harder to find clothes that make me feel a bit more confident. I'll also resist the urge to tear the house apart in an effort to find the scale that my husband so lovingly hid from me...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you kidding me BLOGGER?!

I don't know if anyone else is experiencing this problem but my posts are disappearing! Some are showing that they are published only for me to realize days later that it returned to being a draft and others? They're just gone. No draft. Just deleted.

 

Hopefully I can get this figured out soon. It's extra annoying because I'm doing my best to become more consistent with my posts and when I am, my work is gone. But I'm still here and trying to find inspiration for fun ideas for posts.

 

Is there anything in particular you would like me to write about? Newborn life? Fashion posts? Marriage topics? DIYs? Please share your thoughts and I will do my best to come through for you ;)

 

Preparing For Baby | Birth Announcements

*this post was written before Caleb made his grand debut. What can I say? Sometimes things play out a little differently from what's planned ;)

 

This is something I recommend any mom to be to do before baby comes. Before Cruze was born, I gave thought to setting up a birth announcement so that I could simply put his photo in afterwards and be set. However, I didn't do it and I regretted it. After your baby is born, your world is immediately all about them. You stare at and sometimes, overanalyze, every little thing they do and what ever time you have left over should really be reserved for letting yourself recover from delivery.

 

After our son was born, we spent so many days running around for blood work and other things. We went through a lot. Having this part out of the way would have been awesome. After all, we REALLY wanted to share his arrival in a special way.

 

There are so many ways you can put together a birth announcement but we decided to go with Tiny Prints. Have you checked out their website? They have TONS of options that are beyond cute. I'm still narrowing down the exact one I want and would LOVE your help. Below are a few options that I'm deciding between with my reasons for choosing them.

 

 

1 - I love the shape of this one and how all of the important details are laid out on the side. Plus, it gives a great area for baby's first photo

 

 

 

2 - How sweet is this one? I have incorporated a few stars into the new nursery so I feel like this one is pretty perfect. I love the contrast of the gold and the blue.

 

 

 

3 - Another option with stars except this option has a much larger space for a picture.

 

 

 

 

4 - Okay, this one does something to my heart because it would include BOTH of my boys. I'm thinking about trying to include similar wording into word of the other announcements too if I can since the style of this one isn't exactly my fave compared with the others.

 

 

 

 

So there you have it. I would love your vote for the best one!

 

Adjusting to our new normal

I know I totally slacked with getting a post up when baby boy was born (and for weeks after that) but don't let that fool you, we are over the moon, crazy crazy in love with him. I cannot believe how much I could love yet another person. The second he was born, he just knocked me down so hard.

Oh that face! He just looks like trouble here doesn't he? 

I still can't believe that I'm a mom of two sometimes. At the same time, I feel like he has always been in our lives. I can't imagine things being any different from how they are today. I worried so much before his arrival. I felt like I would fall apart because of the added responsibility. I even wrote a post about it here. Cruze is a handful, as most toddlers are. I just couldn't imagine chasing Cruze all day long AND caring for a tiny newborn who needs constant attention. I made the mistake (several times) of reading other bloggers thoughts on having two that were completely negative and quite depressing. Silly me. If you are pregnant with #2, please don't make that same mistake.

While it's important to be realistic with your expectations, reading such negative material by women who are extremely unhappy, it's bound to make you feel a little unhappy too. 3 weeks in and so far so good for us. I know, I know... I'm just starting out and therefore, I really have no room to talk but I really hope things can continue on the path we are currently on.

Initially, we had a hard time with Cruze understanding how fragile the baby is. We also had family around and he clearly felt the need to act out. Throw in teething with his 2 year molars AND a nasty stomach virus that hit when Caleb was just days old and we had a recipe for chaos. I had to stay away until his sickness passed in order to protect Caleb. Hardest. thing. ever. I missed my son terribly and wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort him. Fast forward a week to when the last of my family was leaving...

I had a hard time dealing with this. Again, I was scared of what was to come and honestly, doubted my ability to care for two children. So I worried myself sick for a few hours, then remembered that only I could control how I handled my new life and pulled myself together. And you know what? It's been so great. I've had so much more energy than I thought I would (coffee and a solid breakfast helps) and Cruze calmed down a ton as soon as our company left. I think he just needed life to go back to being as normal as possible.

Cruze absolutely adores his baby brother. And this just melts my heart. When Caleb cries Cruze says, "is okay baby cay-bub" or "what happened?" with his tiny palms up in the air. The other day while Caleb was unhappily waiting on mommy to pick him up, Cruze started singing "I Love You" to him. Hold me. I just can't.

Cruze meeting Caleb...

and then stealing his pacifier.

Cruze showing me just what he can get himself into in the blink of an eye while I nurse his baby brother. And as much as I thought moments like these would drive me crazy, all I can do is laugh and remind myself that one day, I'll be looking back on them with fondness. 

 Yes I let him eat them off the floor. Ya know, for the photo op. Plus the floors were freshly mopped. 

My sister in law looked like she was going to fall over when I let him eat those things off the floor. It's just so unlike me. But I'm liking this version of myself and I'm quickly learning how far a sense of humor can go. 

Do you have any other tips for me besides going with the flow? Do share! 

p.s. I had a post for yesterday about my birth announcements but it either didn't go up or got deleted somehow. I will have that up tomorrow.

Lifestyle Newborn Photo Shoot

I feel like I owe all of my readers an update on life lately. Yes we had our sweet boy almost 3 weeks ago (already?!?!?!) and life has been super busy since. But really, I am just soaking it all in and loving on my babe too much, it's hard to put him down to spend some time blogging. You guys, I am just so in love with my little family. My. heart. is. exploding. Every second of every single day. I can barely handle it.

So while I have some posts planned (in my head) to let you all in on our days with Caleb and Cruze, I may be a tad absent while I adjust to our new life. For now I want to share some photos with you all. Last week Jennifer of Jennifer Terrero Photography, made a 3.5 hour drive to come take pictures of baby Caleb. First I must say, I was so beyond touched by this gesture. That was such a long drive and I'm so happy she did that for us. We didn't have much time together and baby boy did not cooperate enough to fall asleep for the photos so Jen did lifestyle photos instead.

I absolutely love the way they came out. Especially considering the fact that we had less than two hours to get them done and running after a very busy 2 year old without my hubby around to help... wowza. But Jennifer is truly talented so I knew I would get something that I loved and worthy of displaying in our home. This girl, she just doesn't disappoint.

Gah!!! My boys. PLURAL. I can't even. All I can say is...

Be still my heart.

 On Monday I will be needing some advice on our birth announcements. I'd love it if you'll stop by to give me your input.

Happy Happy Friday! I hope you all have a joy- filled weekend :)